A Gift of Sorts

You know, sometimes one can get carried away by the moment and write things that he does not really mean. I have done that via email and on my blog regarding Fred Dooley.

From this point on I will be making it a point of mine not to respond to anything Fred may say of a negative sort, nor will I start anything with him. 'Tis the Christmas season, so why not reach out to someone you may not like and try to put an end to the animosity.

Also, I made a point on another blog of threatening to release information that had been provided to me by Fred in confidence. While I did not expressly say what had been sent to me, I did hint at the contents and make fun of them. There was no reason to, and I will not follow through on my threat to release the story.

Merry Christmas, Fred.

With Bloggers Like Fred Dooley, Who Needs Comedians

It's all Mike Mathias' fault for alerting me to it. Well, no – it's Fred Dooley's fault for not listing The Other Side of My Mouth higher on his liberal hitlist of sites that had not jumped into the fray quickly enough over Illinois Gov. Rod's indictment. When Fred did get around to pointing me out on his list, it was to suggest that rather than heap all sorts of opprobrium Blagojevich's way, I had written a defense of Bill Ayers.

In typical Fred style, that's not true and it is dishonest. I did indeed write a post regarding Bill Ayers, but had done so two days before the news came out about the indictments. Hardly a case of ignoring one for the other. I pointed this out to Fred in an email (because I'm banned from commenting at his site), adding that if he had actually read the post he would have seen that I was not actually defending Ayers. Fred's reply was classic:

Yes Tim when you attack those who would dare to bring him up you are defending.

Interesting. The point of the post was to comment on Ayers' op-ed in the New York Times. I happened to agree with Ayers' assessment that the guilt by association tactics used by the right regarding some closer connection between Ayers and President-Elect Barck Obama were dishonest. That's not a defense of Ayers, it's agreement with a point he makes. I also wrote that I was troubled by his explanations for the illegal actions he took, including exploding bombs that did not take lives, but could have. But that was not enough for the not so nimble brain housed in the large body named Fred. I was a defender.

So, according to Fred's illogic, if I were to say it is dishonest for people to continue to blame Germans for the sins of Adolf Hitler, then I would actually be defending Adolf Hitler.

Similarly, if I were to say that Fred's support of the worst of George Bush's Iraq policies makes him nothing more than a whiny little sychophant, I'm supporting Saddam Hussein.

Fred really is a classic. Please blog long and hearty – the merriment he provides cannot be measured. As Michael said, “Fred Dooley is fucking valuable.”

Who Needs a Gun?

I received this from a friend of mine. I checked it out and found it's been flying around the intertubes for at least a couple years now. I'm sure some dipshit gun-hugger (you know to whom I refer) will have something smart to say but I don't care. the story is funny.


Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety?

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference. Pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!
WHAT THE HELL!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocaine, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

Bill Ayers Reveals His Side of the Story

Bill Ayers has finally responded to the unfounded allegations from the right nut-wing that he and President-Elect Barack Obama (I love writing that) were pals who liked nothing better than to pal around – that in fact, these BFFs were likely conspiring to take over the government and have a Muslim theocracy installed soon after. The allegations of course were nonsense.

Ayers states, in his op-ed piece published in the New York Times on Dec. 5, that he refrained from commenting during the campaign because he saw no way to have a rational discussion. I agree. He writes:

Unable to challenge the content of Barack Obama’s campaign, his opponents invented a narrative about a young politician who emerged from nowhere, a man of charm, intelligence and skill, but with an exotic background and a strange name. The refrain was a question: “What do we really know about this man?”

And it continues. Witness the article in Conservapedia by Andy Schafly and the accompanying approval of its contents by local blogger, dad29. One must be capable of rational thought to be able to comprehend a rational discussion. On the subject of Obama and Ayers, Schafly and dad29, and generally the right-side of the cheddarsphere are found sorely lacking.

I was 14-years old in 1970; at that time six years older than the future President-Elect Barack Obama (nice sound to it). While I and friends shared thoughts about the war, we were only vaguely aware of larger protests. I remember reports of bombings and knew that an uncle of mine had gotten caught in a sweep in Milwaukee of protestors by the police and had been arrested. Guilt by looks; he had the long hair and beard popular then. But these all happened elsewhere. In much the same way that small northern communities were shielded from the civil rights movement and meeting black people in general, we did not feel the impact of the explosions of anger toward the war. Regarding these assaults on the establishment, Ayers writes further:

I never killed or injured anyone. I did join the civil rights movement in the mid-1960s, and later resisted the draft and was arrested in nonviolent demonstrations. I became a full-time antiwar organizer for Students for a Democratic Society. In 1970, I co-founded the Weather Underground, an organization that was created after an accidental explosion that claimed the lives of three of our comrades in Greenwich Village. The Weather Underground went on to take responsibility for placing several small bombs in empty offices — the ones at the Pentagon and the United States Capitol were the most notorious — as an illegal and unpopular war consumed the nation.

I'm very troubled by these acts of rebellion. Innocent people could have been killed by these weapons, as did occur with the Sterling Hall bombing in Madison in 1970. In the United States these sorts of deeds are looked at with disdain and opprobrium. Even Ayers admits, “The Weather Underground crossed lines of legality, of propriety and perhaps even of common sense.” He is fortunate that no lives were lost due to his actions, otherwise he would not be writing this opinion in a major newspaper, let alone being the unfocused and often delirious attention of many.

Regarding the dishinesty of the right, however, Ayers is right on when he writes:

The dishonesty of the narrative about Mr. Obama during the campaign went a step further with its assumption that if you can place two people in the same room at the same time, or if you can show that they held a conversation, shared a cup of coffee, took the bus downtown together or had any of a thousand other associations, then you have demonstrated that they share ideas, policies, outlook, influences and, especially, responsibility for each other’s behavior. There is a long and sad history of guilt by association in our political culture, and at crucial times we’ve been unable to rise above it.

Ayers is exactly correct. What would have happened if Prescott Bush's very tenuous ties to Fritz Theissen, an early financial supporter of Adolf Hitler, had succeeded in being blown totally out of proportion. Would we have had two Presidents Bush? For all their sins, especially those of the younger Bush, that would have been wrong.

Ayers concludes by writing that “President-elect Obama and I sat on a board together; we lived in the same diverse and yet close-knit community; we sometimes passed in the bookstore. We didn’t pal around, and I had nothing to do with his positions. I knew him as well as thousands of others did, and like millions of others, I wish I knew him better.”

Fortunately, the minions of intolerance and despair failed to sidetrack the Obama Express. With good fortune we all will have eight years to get to know President-Elect Barack Obama better.

Andy Schlafly an Idiot

If you want a good laugh, you should follow the link to this article, written by Andy Schlafly (yes, he is the son of the notorious nutbag, Phyllis) found in his bastard creation Conservapedia. It is hilarious, unintentionally. Here are the first two paragraphs for the entry on Barack Obama. Remember, Conservapedia calls itself the trustworthy encyclopedia.

Barack Hussein Obama II (allegedly born in Honolulu, August 4, 1961) served as a first-term Democratic Senator from Illinois (2004-2008) and then, along with his running mate Joseph Biden, won the presidential election after twenty-three months of campaigning, raising and spending an unprecedented $650 million, most of which came from anonymous donors. An apparent Muslim, Obama could use the Koran when he is sworn into office.

Obama has espoused the socialist idea of "spreading the wealth, in other words raising the tax rates on business and the wealthy to a burdensome level in order to redistribute their income to low income individuals, many of whom don't currently pay income taxes. His health care plan forces employers to purchase health care or pay a fine and will force many into a poorly run single payer system. To announce his trip to Berlin in July 2008, Obama used posters which show a marked similarity to posters of Lenin. During Obama's youth in Hawaii, he developed a strong, almost Father/Son relationship with Frank Marshall Davis, a known Communist. For these reasons and others, he is generally considered to hold Marxist/Socialist views - views directly contrary to those of most Americans. And it is because of these beliefs that he has kept hidden from the view of the general public that many are suspicious of his agenda for the future of the US.

Oh my.

Conservapedia then provides 15 bullet point items that purport to prove that Obama will likely be the first Muslim president. Aside from the utter falsity of these items, I can't help but wonder who cares and what is the big deal if we were to have a Muslim president? I believe the Constitution provides for religious freedom.

Oh, and tell this young man's mother a Muslim cannot become president.

Friday Dooley Time

Fill in the blank.

Fred Dooley __________________________________________.

More Silliness from Fred Dooley

So, little Miss vast right wing conspiracy is going to be the new Secretary of State.....

Little Miss I was under fire when she wasn't is going to be our face around the world.

Little Miss can't even deal with the opposition party is now supposed to deal with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Hugo Chavez.

I really don't have the words to describe how I feel about this...

Scared comes to mind.

The jarring sentences above were posted at 12:52 pm by our "good friend", Fred Dooley. I assume he was trying to make a point, however after reading the post, I can't help but wonder one of two things: 1) Why is Fred drinking at 12:52 pm and 2) Maybe he's not drinking. Oh my.

Fred, you need either increase your Antabuse dosage, or find an editor.