Deathstar Obama

A friend of mine sent this to me.

Conservative Flab

Hi, I'm Patrick X. You might not know it now, but I used to be an intellectual lightweight. But then I bought Conservative Flab (available for three easy payments of $19.95) from the Charlie Sykes show and now I'm a heavyweight. Yup – I got these amazing flabs just by listening to Charlie (and other conservative talk show hosts – radio frequencies included on cd) without getting out of my chair 24/7. I can't wait to share Charlie's diet secrets with you.

Charlie will show you his "Nobama” technique for quarter barrel flabs and adding intellectual heft all over your body. And don't worry if you can't type, he'll teach you the one-handed hunt and peck technique (keeping the other free for other activities) and you'll be ready to post in no time.

Secrets to Flabs

If you buy Charlie's cds, he'll demonstrate faux outrage that will keep you glued to your chair. Remember to get mom involved. She'll need to know when to bring you those tasty barbecued ribs (featured in the Conservative Flab Cookbook) while you write.

Cardio-Carrying Conservative

This is not your liberal next door neighbors video. You'll learn how to ignore your lawn, home upkeep and annoy your libtard neighbors with the general rundown appearance of your property – it's unimportant – as you listen to Charlie extoll the virtues of personal responsibility. If only those liberals could see you now down in your basement.

Flab Sculpt

Charlie will fine tune your racist commentary with the use of code words (“they” and more) you've always wanted to use but had to get up from your chair to do so. Now you can do it without moving a large muscle group.

Step-by-Step Nutrition Guide

Charlie will also share his secrets for exposing the great liberal myth of tolerance for others. You'll be able to shatter any libtard argument and still eat the foods you love!

Hips, Buns, and Thighs

Get ready to add to those stubborn problem areas. With the help of Charlie Sykes, you'll be out of your skinny jeans in no time and will have joined the legion of conservative bloggers nationwide fighting liberals, socialists and personal hygeine.

If you don't completely transform your body within 30 days just like I did, Charlie will keep your money and chastise you personally on-line and on his radio show (hey, at least you got on). So what are you waiting for? C'mon, let's battle liberalism together.

Brown Sugar Unlimited

Really? Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. From the New York Times:

Michael Steele, who was recently elected chairman of the Republican National Committee, paid a Maryland company run by his sister more than $37,000 for work related to his 2006 Senate campaign, a payment that Mr. Steele’s spokesman said Saturday was entirely appropriate.

[...]

Mr. Steele did not dispute that his sister’s company, Brown Sugar Unlimited, of Bethesda, Md., had been paid $37,262 by his Senate campaign in February 2007, as federal election records show.

Pretty sweet deal for a catering and web services firm. Odd combination that.

Odder yet, she's an ex-wife of Mike Tyson. You know, the guy who used to box when he wasn't raising pigeons and biting ears off.

Woe is Us

If only we had listened to Fred, Mary, Owen, Peter, James, Patrick, daddio and the rest ... woe is us.

Thx, Tom Tomorrow.

Impervious to Reason

This comment (edited a bit) I think sums up conservatives beautifully: "They are impervious to reason, but thin-skinned when it comes to criticism."

As the commenter went on to say, this is why we must make fun of them. It is our patriotic duty.

h/t Sadly No commenter

Don't Let Your Pumpkins Have Alcohol

From my brother-in-law.

Maraka

My 21-month old is a Dora the Explorer and Go, Diego Go fan. As a break, because things have been getting way too serious, here is the Saturday Night Live spoof of Dora the Explorer. You may have to have been there.

The Conservative Base

To those who think it's somehow funny to use Barack Obama's middle name, here is a short little video that demonstates your level of maturity. Since most of the conservative blogosphere does it -- well, here's looking at you.



Thanks to Patrick in the comment section who directed me to this video.

Mmmm, Pork.

And earmarks, too.

h/t Freaking News.

Da Vinci Liked a Tasty Burger

From my friend, Linda. After a two-year visit to the United States, Michelangelo's David is returning to Italy.

Mrs. Hughes

This woman is hilarious. Thanks, Mom.

How Smart Are You?

Click here and take the test. I got a 28 ... so I guess I'm an above average clicker.

Herculean Feat

From my mum ...

This young man is lucky to have survived. Read caption under picture.